Why Men Don't Want To Date Anymore

I can't quite place it.  You know the feeling you get when your lacrimal caruncle slips into the nether world of unfathomable anguish and calls up the pizza delivery guy by mistake on an industrial blender?  It was sorta like that.  Only less purple and confrontational.  She merely wanted to know if we sold rubber ducks.  I told her I didn’t give two mucks about no rubber ducks, and I barely have the sanity to know how to dress myself in the morning.  To be clear, the way I see it is not the way she sees it.  Truly, this is why men have stopped dating.  It’s just too “normal” of a thing to do.  Everyone would be expecting it.  So in an effort to be remembered for something, I screamed all my frustrations into a jelly jar, sliced my credit card into thirds, and no sooner had I tossed my religion into the flames did I realize that nothing is more important than family and ice cream.  Unfortunately, I needed my credit card for the ice cream.  But alas, you win some and you lose some.  And sometimes you stub your big toe on the edge of a toilet seat.  Anyway.  Say hi to Phil for me, will you?